3 am Study Break

i'm shocked at myself at how UN-frequently i've been blogging! i used to blog as if i was talking to my therapist who didn't mind me popping in his office every other day constantly like clockwork to drawl on and on about things that were so important to me that i had the urgent need to speak about it then and there! *Power-blogging, as i called it. I posted anything and everything, anytime, every time. I have nothing to hide. I like to share! That's how i was raised: Sharing is Caring! *cue cheesy smile and teeth sparkle* .

but now that habit of mine recently went out the window. Blog posts became few and far between. From posting on my Xanga every day when i was in Rutgers-- bragging about my academic achievements, to adding a blog weekly on my MySpace about the "TROUBLE" with BOYS, to going back to Xanga (i had 3 different Xanga accounts) sharing my experiences as a dancer in various dance crews and ended that with the establishment of my Nursing career as Wonder Woman RN, only to RE-start blogging again as soon as i had a handle on my time management and signed on to BlogSpot !!. but posts haven't been as frequent.. Is it because i'm getting older? Age must have nothing to do with it. People of all ages blog! It could just be that i've encountered changes too big or too important to continue this habit at my old pace. For that, i apologize. I wonder if anyone even reads these things at all anymore. I'm sure i'm not the only one who "got too busy all of a sudden". Well, i'm a person of my own truth, and part of my own truth is that i like to share. So here i am again still, selfless and humbled. I'm not going to lie and say i haven't changed at all. I know i did, and i can only hope and almost believe that i've changed for the better.

My last post was just about 5 months ago, in August. Reading from that, u can tell i was a bit distraught over another boy and venting about my hopelessly hopeful lovelife. What else is new in Shirl's World? lol. Since then, i got over that one (thank Goodness!), and celebrated my fabulous 28th birthday in July, went on an all-girls' vacation with 5 of the most amazing girls to South Beach, FL in August; in November i went to one of my favorite cities, San Fransico, CA to visit family and bid farewell to my late aunt; then from there i went to Playa del Carmen in Mexico to meet with more family for a weekend getaway. Then there was the exciting rush of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. And in between, i'm happily discovering a loving relationship with a great guy, all the while managing my full-time career on which i'm currently working diligently to transform to new heights. I'm always on the move with it!

I guess now that i actually took the time to put all that out there for my own eyes to see, it's easy to figure how i got so distracted from my blogging routine. Well, to those out there in "blogworld" who are as faithful a reader as i am a writer, I'll always be here! Just not as physically able to post so readily as i used to, but the thought will always be there in my head whenever a lightbulb turns on due to a life-changing thought or event: "I should write about this!". Because really, i dont have that great of a memory-- i not only like to share things that i think are noteworthy, i just need to so i don't forget about them!

Now, back to transforming...

It's Better if You Don't Understand

"I could tell that he saw the world around him as it really was. To me, he seemed to see the sap bleeding from the trunks of the pine trees, and the circle of brightness in the sky where the sun was smothered by clouds. He lived in the world that was visible. I knew he noticed the trees, and the mud, and the children in the street, but I had no reason to believe he'd ever noticed me...

"Perhaps this is why when he spoke to me, tears came stinging to my eyes."

0711

here we go, welcome to my funeral.
here i go, this is my confessional.
a lost cause, nobody can save my soul.
i am so delusional.
i have destroyed it, it's gone.
payback is sick.
*i'm dancing with tears in my eyes*
just fighting to get through the night.
i'm losing it.
with every move i die.
i'm fading, i'm broken inside ( i admit )
i've wasted a love of my life.
when did i become such a hypocrite?
double life, lies that u caught me in.
trust me, i'm paying for it.
with every move i die.
on the floor i'm just a zombie.
who i am is not who i wanna be.
i'm such a tragedy. this is it.
never once thought i'd be in pieces left behind. Ke$ha

Psalm 183

Pardon me if i seem to cop an attitude,
But the attitude is one of worship and is--i think--SINCERE.
My heart swells against the prison of my ribs,
and it grows to keep my lungs from seeking air.
Still the breath is not pushed out by such a simple force as 'Pride',
but by the glory of my dreaming that i might, perhaps, be loved..
by you.

Pardon me if i'm moved to endless chatter,
But i fear the beauty of the silence
As i watch your distant eyes caress the words i've arranged..

* * * *

i dont want to be like a bird or butterfly anymore. i'm getting tired and drained from flying away all the time. Teach me to stop and stay a while. I think i'd like that. <3

So What is Love?

Nathaniel Hawthorne worked at the customs house in Boston, MA. When there was a change in management there, he lost his job. He went home dejected and almost desperate. He was worried about his family and, in particular, how his wife would take the bad news.

Instead of reproaching him when she found out, his wife put a pen and ink on the table before him. She lit the fireplace and put her arms lovingly around his shoulders. "Now you will be able to write your book," she said. Hawthorne, reassured by his wife's words and actions, set about writing his novel, The Scarlet Letter, which would prove to be the first step in a famous writing career.

It is sweet, gentle, soft, understanding, accepting, trusting, supportive, and kind.
=*)

Never Settle

Those who know me know that my motto is "Never Settle" .. I apply that to many aspects in my life, my career in particular. So as i'm home on my 9th and final day off in a row and feeling useless, i couldnt help but think how much i want to go back to work and continue to help save lives. I start to miss being at work after a few days. I really love what i do. And as much as i am happy with it, i'm always looking to see WHAT ELSE i can do as a Bachelor's prepared Registered Nurse, ACLS/BLS certified, licensed in NY and NJ, 2.5 yrs experience thus far, now working in an Adult Surgical ICU in Manhattan, and taking graduate classes towards my Master's. WHAT ELSE is out there for me?? You know what i mean? Never Settle.. i never do settle. I never want to stay in one place for too long and evenutally decompose. I always want to keep my mind stimulated with new and different things to learn and experience. I believe i was destined to be in this career path, and i "can't stop won't stop" pushing myself further with it.

I've been through so much hardships and jumped through hoops and over hurdles (and fell once or twice) to get to where i am now, and even though i know there's going to be more hardships ahead, i'm ready to face them and overcome them with the help of God. The road to the most meaningful Happiness of all is never the smooth and easy one.


I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow night =)

Orlando & Bahamas 2010!

A bunch of videos we took during our greatest weekend ever!! =)

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com